27 September 2014

Yay - sigh

What a rollercoaster of emotion the last few days have been.

I actually felt really good for most of yesterday.

25 September 2014


Sleep, who needs sleep. 

After a week or so of not sleeping too badly last night was dreadful and I feel hideous this morning. 

24 September 2014

Sixty-fifth appointment

Today was rather awful. 

Lovely psychiatrist didn't really understand until today why that word it just so awful. 

He didn't really understand a couple of things. I think both of those are sorted now. 

He didn't realise that the way it was said meant it was a good thing. Well, a good thing for father not for me. 

I don't want to talk about it right now. I plan to go and cry myself to sleep. 

23 September 2014


I think there is more healing I need to do before dating is really going to be a prospect. At least if it is someone that a friend doesn't set up better ideas are known. Perhaps. 

21 September 2014


Okay, so I never expected first contact to be "the one". I also never expected to wake up this morning and find that the whole conversation and even his profile in my matches would be gone... 

Not taking these things personally is going to be really hard for me I think. At the moment I am just a little confused. I don't know how these sites work. I am assuming he did something on his end to finish/block contact. I messaged the help centre to ask. Is that silly? 

20 September 2014


Okay, so I posted on Thursday that I had been convinced to sign up with an online dating website. 

The website has a little guided "get to know you" thing. It starts out with "Quick Questions". So I received that from a guy on Thursday evening. I looked at his profile and he seemed okay. I answered the questions and sent my own. He replied and they were okay replies. 

18 September 2014

Therapy Pt 34

Wonderful psychologist helped me sign up to an online dating service today. OMG! I have had a bit of a look around. Scary. 

17 September 2014

Sixty-fourth appointment

We didn't do any emdr today. Just talked.

It has been a chaotic few weeks and my head is just a mess. So it was actually good not to have him jump in my head and jumble it up. There was other things in there messing with it.

14 September 2014

Sixty-third appointment

It has taken a little while for me to process this past appointment. 

Lovely psychiatrist keeps building onto the "scene" that he uses to take me back. Some little thing will come up. A word or a visual and he will add that in. He added a new word in this appointment. It came up in my last appointment, running over and over in my head. It was like getting slapped. 

13 September 2014


There are times when something is done that there is no way that sorry is enough but that is all you have. 

I am sorry. 

I am so sorry to the person I hurt. 

I feel like saying it out loud to the person wasn't enough. I don't expect anything in return for saying out loud to the person nor by putting it here. I won't expand on it further here. I will tell my professionals and talk it through with them. 

I am truly sorry.