17 October 2014

9 October 2014

Lotus People

As I wrote previously I met with the psychologist who I have a memory of seeing when I was 16.

I took photos with me of that age. My face was familiar to her but she can't place it with a case. She asked me if she was familiar. I said sort of and then asked if she used to have red hair. She said yes, that she used to dye her hair a reddish colour.

8 October 2014

Sixty-sixth appointment

Lovely psychiatrist took me too the "scene". As he finished talking, I started flashbacks all types. Then I dissociated. It was a bit of work to get me back. He had to do a bit of work to bring me back. 

7 October 2014


I didn't want to leave the coast this morning. I did though. Nice drive down the coast, visited a gourmet food shop and then inland. 

I saw the psychologist from when I was 16, will talk of that another time. 

I checked into my hotel. I had room service dinner, 2 glasses of red wine and a 2 hour spa. 

I have said it before, I don't relax easily but I feel so relaxed right now. I think I may even be able to get some good sleep tonight. 

Good night (well it is for me) lovely readers. 

3 October 2014


The next 10 days is all going to be about relaxation for me. Taking some time out from all of this. I will have appointments with lovely psychiatrist and wonderful psychologist during this time but may divert away from the emdr. Not sure.

27 September 2014

Yay - sigh

What a rollercoaster of emotion the last few days have been.

I actually felt really good for most of yesterday.

25 September 2014


Sleep, who needs sleep. 

After a week or so of not sleeping too badly last night was dreadful and I feel hideous this morning. 

24 September 2014

Sixty-fifth appointment

Today was rather awful. 

Lovely psychiatrist didn't really understand until today why that word it just so awful. 

He didn't really understand a couple of things. I think both of those are sorted now. 

He didn't realise that the way it was said meant it was a good thing. Well, a good thing for father not for me. 

I don't want to talk about it right now. I plan to go and cry myself to sleep. 

23 September 2014


I think there is more healing I need to do before dating is really going to be a prospect. At least if it is someone that a friend doesn't set up better ideas are known. Perhaps. 

21 September 2014


Okay, so I never expected first contact to be "the one". I also never expected to wake up this morning and find that the whole conversation and even his profile in my matches would be gone... 

Not taking these things personally is going to be really hard for me I think. At the moment I am just a little confused. I don't know how these sites work. I am assuming he did something on his end to finish/block contact. I messaged the help centre to ask. Is that silly?