18 April 2014

Therapy Pt 32

I dissociated for a lot of my appointment with wonderful psychologist yesterday. 

What day is it; did you go to work today; what day is tomorrow; are you going to work tomorrow; 

16 April 2014

Fiftieth appointment

Is that how you spell that word, fiftieth? Does it really matter?

Does anything really matter right now?

*****YOU MAY NOT WANT TO READ THIS*****

15 April 2014

Screaming

She just keeps screaming in my head.

More and more and more and more. 

You kind of get used to it. Although it is making decision making difficult. I just about drove myself crazy tonight trying to make two decisions. In the end I just did it, hopefully they are the right ones. 

Thankfully I see lovely psychiatrist tomorrow. I can feel myself getting depressed. I am struggling to do things. I don't really care about anything. 

13 April 2014

Smells

There are all sorts of things that can be triggers and smells are one of them. There haven't been many smells that have triggered me. The main one is rum. More so the stale smell of rum the next day, the empty cans that just reek. 

10 April 2014

Forty-ninth appointment

It was intense. No it was fucking brutal. 

Screaming and darkness in my head. Walking around with the dark for a week. Lovely psychiatrist thinks it is something that wants to come out. How much more could there possibly be to this fucking memory that we are working on? I don't see that there is anything that could make this worse. 

3 April 2014

Forty-eigth appointment

Lovely psychiatrist was so pleased that I managed to get through and when I arrived yesterday I was reasonably calm. He said that it was really good progress.

1 April 2014

27 March 2014

Forty-seventh appointment

So both lovely Psychiatrist and wonderful psychologist recommend reporting A to the police. Wonderful psychologist suggested talking to detective friend. Lovely psychiatrist suggested that it might be better to talk to someone separate. 

24 March 2014

Stress? Hormones?

My hair is falling out. My skin feels dreadful, rough and uneven. I am absolutely covered in some sort of rash thing. It is the worst it has ever been and I don't know what to do about it. My gp has told me to try various different things and none of them seem to work. I spoke with my chiro about it once and she was going to look some stuff up for me but I forgot to ask last week when I was there. I wonder if I could ring and ask?

They all say that the hair and skin can be stress. Although since I am starting my 4th period in 10 weeks it would appear that the hormone levels are completely out of whack. Gp just said that we will wait and see how it goes over the next couple of months. I hate that my hair is falling out. Something happening with my hair that I am not in control of and it sends me a bit loopy. 

I need to go to bed. 

13 March 2014

Tired

I am not sure where to start at the moment.

Tired.

I am tired in every way that I can think of, physically, mentally, emotionally.